Ripped From The Headlines

Gucci. Prada. Armani. Anorexia?

The Mayor of Milan announced this week that designers showcasing new threads at fashion shows in her city may face stringent regulations regarding the BMI index of models used in shows. This is in reaction to a similar practice instituted in Madrid that forced designers to turn away models whose BMI, which is based upon a height/weight comparison, fell below a certain level.

Maybe Mayor Moratti is championing some higher cause, but isn't it more likely that she tried to make it as a model, before becoming a politician? Yep. This is sure to end well. Everyone remembers that handsome cuban devil that the Yankees never drafted, right? Vamos Bien?

"Crafting guns into guitars"

Colombian craftsman Luis Alberto Paredes has a veritable niche market cornered. He takes guns, and makes them into guitars. With no short supply of firearms surrounding him in his South American home - Paredes is planning on holding a charity concert featuring several of his formerly life-threatening guitars this November. No pseudo-jibe here. You go, dude. You go and you rock on.

"Cult enters bunkers though doomsday uneventful"

The world was supposed to end on September 12th.

But it didn't.

But that didn't stop dozens of followers of a U.S. based religious sect from carrying out their plan to move into a network of underground bunkers they've built in the tiny Kenyan village of Mauche.

"Those who have been doubting us will in hours be ashamed..." the groups leader said, as he led his cohorts - dressed in gas masks, gloves and long overcoats - down into their new home.

The cultists plan to stay in their new digs for a year. But they'll be ok. The place is stocked with dried fermented flour. And after the year is up, by which time sinners are to have been wiped off the Earth, they can just head on back up and reap the rewards entitled to the faithful. (*note: the bunkers are already leaking water and are in danger of caving in - cultists claim this is just god's way of giving them water)

In case you were wondering how the world was supposed to end - we (as in U.S.) were supposed to go to nuclear war with North Korea. This failed to happen due to international time zone differences...and the fact that the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars was on that night. Kim Jong Il loves that shit.

One more thing - if it's a US based religious sect, what about the US based followers? "Members of our sect who are in the U.S. will not be affected as they are protected by Yahweh," says the group's head honcho. Whew. That was close.

See you in the funny pages...