Tuesday, November 14, 2006

USB Missle Launcher

Cube Warfare.

It's the dirty little secret of Corporate America. Getting the drop on that ass-hat that sits just over the half wall on your right, be it by way of a leaky coffee cup, or shrinkwrapping his cube shut and filling it with shipping popcorn while he's away on vacation, is something that anyone who has ever had to use the "C" word to describe their workplace knows the trappings of all too well.

Well folks, the ante has been upped.

Meet the USB Missle Launcher. Pesky co-workers always coming around the corner just as you're trying to bid on that Captain Kirk coffee mug? Boss always doing the Lumbergh Lean on your cube wall? Well, shoot 'em up.

According to Kleargear.com, this little bundle of USB goodness is "the state-of-the-art deterrent against those bored and aggravating individuals that loiter around your desk when thereÂ’s nothing better for them to do".

You said it, Kleargear. Have at it, Hoss.

See you in the funny pages...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A quickie...

Atlas shrugged, and today - ze frank blinked. Holy shenanigans, I swear that swine just glided past the window over my hope chest...

Two Unrelated Items...methinks

Item 1:

As I'm sure most of you know, the results of yesterday's mid-term elections directly correlate to the general dissatisfaction with the GOP's tenure as the dominant party. Across the nation, much of what was red went blue, and most of what was blue stayed so. In my own fair state of Massachusetts, we saw a resounding return to the traditional blue the Commonwealth is known for.

Is this necessarily a good thing?

I tend to be wary of either party's control over too much of the government, at either the national or state level. This doesn't mean that I've lost faith in the democratic process that got us here, it just means that all your eggs in one basket can either make for one damn good omelet, or one big ginormous clusterfuck - with the latter being the more common outcome.

With that in mind, I'd like to say this: Dear Deval Patrick, please don't fuck this up. You've got a chance to make a real difference in Massachusetts, and if you don't, you're going to do all kinds of damage to a party that, despite the results of these mid-term elections, just can't take many more big hits before they start to wallow in irrelevance with a certain senator who ran for president, and that guy who invented the internet.

As far as who got my vote, I'm not going to divulge that information. When I thought about this post earlier in the morning, I was going to do it - but a conversation with a carpenter changed my mind. When I mentioned the elections to him this morning, he said "You know, no matter who you vote for, it seems like you lose." True, this is the cop out for many people who just don't bother educating themselves about campaigns and can't be bothered to venture out to the polls - but not in this case. I know which way his vote was cast, and he knows which way I cast mine. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Item 2:

In El Cerrito, CA, and I quote, "A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors -- naked -- and he told them he had a tool in his rectum...The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday...John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, [was] initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure...when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool..Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident"

Unrelated. Yep. Totally un-related.

I'll go with the cops on this one: "You can't get much more concealed than that."

See you in the funny pages...

PS - I heart blog comments, and now they forward directly to my blackberry --- keep 'em comin!!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Good Tuesday!

Today's Top Story: Viennese Man Is Confirmed As Moron

Yesterday, a Viennese man severed his own ring finger and presented it, with wedding band still strapped on, to his ex-wife after an acrimonious divorce.

He was charged with dangerous harassment.

This begs the obvious question of "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?"

You really showed her, ass-hat. You're supposed to cut off your nose to spite your face, not sever a finger to spite your already ex-wife.


An Unrelated Note: Read about how dynamite can save the forest, here.


And finally - I know I said I wouldn't, but this is just so funny...

See you in the funny pages...

Monday, November 06, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury...

I've been scolded.

It's true - my blogging efforts have not been up to par as of late, and apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so. So much so, it would seem, that the need for late night phone calls (a bit akin to the ones that Elaine starts getting from the AMA on Seinfeld when she tries to steal her chart from the Doctor's office) has arisen.

In the guise of "did you just text me?", was hidden "why the hell have you posted nothing decent, recently?".

So you know not seems, you say? Well here it is in plainer text: I'm sorry I haven't been blogging about anything but silly television commercials for the last few weeks. I'd say I've been "busy", but we all know how far fetched that is...

Anyone know an artist (of the 'graphic novel' variety) looking to put together a project? I'm thinking Gary Frank-esque...

See you in the funny pages...

Friday, November 03, 2006

Naked Skateboarding Girls

If I had any explanation for why I find this so funny - I'd offer it. But I don't, so I can't.

PS - For anyone that knows it, just picture all this happening on the Andover bypass.