Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Amputation, Dirty Pictures and The Butterfly Effect

Aroused iguana may face chop

"AN IGUANA stuck in a permanent state of arousal, six days after a mating session at a Belgian zoo, may have to have his penis amputated if the condition does not improve. But he will still be able to reproduce - iguanas have two penises."

In other news: new research published by the International Association of Research Association (go ahead, try and look them up) concludes that giving viagra to an iguana might be entertaining, but it's pretty silly when you think about it for a while.

Teacher barred for sex lesson

"A NEW York teacher has been barred from classes and faces the sack after asking 12 -year-old pupils to draw male genitalia on the blackboard during a health lesson. Theunnnamed teacher's fate will be decided on March 21."

What really happened is that one of the 12-year-old boys didn't draw to scale, and felt dwarfed by his classmates. Then the 12-year-old girls made 12-year-old giggles and the teacher endeavored to elaborate on the age old battle of "size matters" vs "it's how you use it".

Family fined over boy's scream

"A DOG barked, startling a four-year-old boy who screamed, scaring a flock of chickens, resulting in the deaths of 443 birds in a stampede, a court in China ruled yesterday.

The boy's father was ordered to pay £120 in compensation to the owner of the chickens."

To recap: dog barks, boy screams, chickens die, dad pays. Just can't catch a break, dad - can you?

Thanks to for these tasty morsels.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

"A Season of Faith's Perfection"

What follows is a Sunday morning reflection upon those items filling my DVR with goodness, gracious goodness:

Prison Break: Please don't linger too long. You already broke, so why are you still breaking?

24: Jack is back. Too bad it took a nuclear explosion in LA to get his attention. BTW, Dude - you look really good for having been in a Chinese prison since season 5. PS - your brother is a dick.

Heroes: I'll admit it - I've jumped on this bandwagon. Indestructible cheerleaders, flying politicians, and an aptly named Japanese guy with a katana? Count me in.

Desperate Housewives: What? Like YOU don't watch it...

Grey's Anatomy: Enough with the break up and make up. Can we just get back to Alan Heinberg playing Mamet for twenty-somethings?

Lost: Like watching Dane Cook do drama. Give us a freaking punchline already! See "Prison Break".

Battlestar Gallactica: Everyone just shut up and take notice. This is the most wisely scripted series on TV right now. If you disagree, you're wrong. If you don't think that James Callis is playing sci-fi Hamlet - still wrong - but I'm willing to debate.

The O.C.: So after airing the most light-hearted, and dare i say "funny" episodes since season 1 - the show gets cancelled? Hey Fox, get your heads out of your asses - if you add another episode of "Dancing With The Animals That Attack American Idol, with your host Rupert Murdoch" into your Thursday night lineup, I swear I'll never watch your network again. You do remember that Family Guy debacle, yes?

Smallville: Ok. I'm biased here. Jeph Loeb left, and the cheese factor went into overdrive - but that doesn't mean I don't love it. Just don't try "Smallville: The College Years" again. Also, See "Prison Break".

Rome: Why? Why are you ending after this season? We just got to know each other, and ya - I miss Ciaran Hinds as the most brooding Caesar ever, too - but please, please stay a while longer? 'Cause baby, it's cold outside...

The Shield: Come back. Now.

The Sopranos: Come back. Then end. Please.

The Superbowl: Bears defense VS Peyton Manning. I'm from New England, and even I'm excited about this. Yes, I realize this one isn't hogging up hard drive space - but it had to be thrown out there...

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Self Cleaning Underoos

"Scientists working for the US Air Force have already produced T-shirts and underwear that can be worn for weeks at a time without washing, and the technology has now been licensed to a London company, Alexium, to develop for civilian applications...

While it will not quite make the washing machine redundant, treated clothing needs to be washed far less often and is easier to clean when finally laundered...

The technology uses microwaves to fix microscopic nanoparticles permanently to the fibres of clothing. These nanoparticles can then have a range of chemical properties attached to them to produce a surface impenetrable to water and able to kill bacteria.

Over time, the effectiveness of the coating falls as the active chemicals are knocked off, but the scientists claim it can be restored by soaking the material in a fresh solution of the same chemicals"

All I can say to that

full article here

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Dear Jerk Off,

Over this past weekend, I had the fortune to make the acquaintance of "Tom". "Tom" is from around here, methinks, but apparently can't stand to admit it. He regaled me with stories of how there's another city a few hours south of Boston that is just sooooo much cooler, because you can still order a glass of single malt at 3:45.

"So what's the big deal?", I asked. My question was met with a resounding "...well, I dunno. It's, like, the atmosphere. It's just, like, nice to know that you can still get a drink after two...not like this Boston shit." (for those readers unfamiliar with the situation, most bars in Boston are only open until 2 am).

What is is that goes on between the hours of 2 and 4 that is so extraordinary? Is it some late night/early morning renaissance, that only the dwellers of that city-to-the-south are fortunate enough to experience? Do the bartenders suddenly stop pouring water, and will my cup runneth over with that sweet sweet nectar of (night)life? Do Dick and Harry suddenly start buying all your drinks? Most importantly, do the people rubbing up against you in the strobe light infested waters of whatever saloon you're in pull a bizarro Cinderella and get inexplicably more fabulous after we Bostonians hear the bell for last call?

As Mike Dean would say, I doubt it.

And oh ya - Fuck you, "Tom".