Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Love It/Hate It

In the spirit of mass media stroking and skewering (get out of the gutter), here's a list of a few things on my mind right now:

Marvel Comics: Love it.
Way to go, y'all. Way to show DC that continuity isn't dead, it's just seldom utilized correctly.

Lost: Love it.
A lot of folks thought the writing team had been tapped for a while. Way to prove them wrong. The Man From Tallahassee rocked. Keep it going. Get rid of Nicky and Paulo.

300: _____
On a love/hate list, can one plead the fifth? I'm totally going to do that here.

The Peyton Manning/Carrie Underwood SNL: Love it.
Not only was Peyton funnier than Tom Brady (even though Brady's sexual harassment skit was priceless), but even Weekend Update sucked less this week. Way to go on this one, SNL. Carrie Underwood wasn't completely horrid, either.

Kristen Wiig: Hate it.
I know she's not an "it", but never have I ever seen anyone looking so bored while trying to be funny. If you're not having any fun, neither are we. Clean up your act, 'cause it sucks. Lorne - please don't have her on the show next year if this keeps up.

Airport Security: Hate it.
...for stealing $300 out of my backpack. Assholes.

Everything Is Illuminated: Love it.
Fantastic movie starring Frodo, and directed by the (new) Manchurian Candidate. Check it out.

My Acoustic Guitar: Hate it.
Needs a setup and some new strings. I'll love it again next week.

Battlestar Galactica: Hate it.
Screw you for having the worst episode of this series yet. The season finale had not ONE redeeming scene in it. Wow...four people hearing music and turning out to be 4 of the final 5 Cylons. Ooohhh. No one saw that coming a mile away. Starbuck's NOT dead? Really? She just went to Earth? Returning in 2008? What are you, The Sopranos now?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


A few years back a pop-culture philosopher I'm quite fond of wrote that he's fond of writing at night, just before falling asleep. His reason for this was that, in those fleeting moments before you lapse out of consciousness - you understand.

You understand everything.

And I don't mean stupid shit like the fact that there's just too much Justin Timberlake out there (except for on SNL), or that you don't want to believe the new Maroon 5 is the new Maroon 5 - because you only expected that level of crap from fucking Fall Out Boy, or that The Shins really aren't all bad, it's just that Zach Braff ruined them for everyone. By the way, Scrubs sucks.

I mean big stuff. You understand the big stuff before you fall asleep. And by the morning you don't understand any of it anymore, because it's all different now. That's the point. Life's transitions are what make it interesting enough to keep bothering with. Right?

So tonight, I figured I'd give it a try. I'm cheating a bit, because after this is written I'm off to late night Discovery HD Theatre (in the hopes of more Planet Earth reruns). And then late late night Science Channel. And then probably some guitar before forcing myself to bed. Does it still count?

One more thing. I've started re-reading the aforementioned writer's low-culture manifesto, and just got past the part where he talks about how Coldplay is the shittiest band in the history of shitty bands, and I thought I'd throw it out there that he's totally fucking right. I liked them better when they were called U2. And if you disagree with that, go buy a copy of Wincing the Night Away and pretend like you have some fucking clue about why that's a decent record.

PS- Look Jenny, all text...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Things Learned in Hawai'i

While on vacation (go ahead and chuckle) in Hawai'i, I've learned several valuable lessons. I'd like to share a few of these now:
  1. Any drink whose name contains the word "Tiki" tastes like a mix of Windex and Rubbing Alcohol - especially when under the drink's name on the menu it says "YOU KEEP THE TIKI!!!"

  2. Japanese teenagers have a morbid fascination with t-shirts riddled with English non sequitur. No, really, any words splashed across a shirt, as long as they're in English, will work. I swear I spied a girl wearing one that read "STEAK HERPES NISSAN." and had a picture of a brownie on it.

  3. There are people who walk their cock around on a leash. Not the kind of cock you're thinking of. The kind that would recite Shakespeare in a George Orwell novel. (For y'all less learned types, that means the kind that shriek at the ass-crack of dawn and wake you up while you're on vacation.)

  4. O'ahu is good, but Maui is great. If you have to pick just one, pick Maui. And if you're fortunate enough to be able to hop between the two, do it on Go! Airlines. They're the shit ($19 flights inter island).

  5. All tomfoolery aside - go to Hawai'i. Seriously. Waves that crash onto sandy beaches that run into glorious mountains. Plus they film Lost here. You're really missing out by not having been. Does Maui have a grad school I can go to?

See you in the funny pages...

(#3's about a rooster, you sicko)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Big Britney Is Watching

I realize it may be in poor taste for me to post a post related in any way to Britney Spears, but let's indulge our rabid cultural taste for all things train-wreck-ish.

Now on sale: The Rehab Britney Shears doll.

The Britney Shears figurine comes in a straightjacket, baldhead and all. Manufacturers have shown some mercy on the singer, however, for they have at least considerably slimmed down the doll's figure.

The doll currently sells on eBay for USD 82.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Animal Crackers

Remote Control Pigeons

CHINESE scientists have succeeded in implanting electrodes in the brain of a pigeon to remotely control the bird's flight, state media said.

Reports said scientists at Shandong University of Science and Technology used the micro electrodes to command the bird to fly right or left, and up or down.

Love Bear

A KOALA bear from Edinburgh Zoo has been flown to Vienna to give some lessons in love to an Austrian counterpart.

Chumbee was even given economy class seat on a plane, it was reported today, after staff at Schoenbrunn Zoo became concerned at their resident male koala's inactivity.

It is hoped Chumbee will be able to spark something between the male and the female bears at the zoo.

When news of Chumbee's move first surfaced, staff described him as "a proven breeder".

Dogs On A Diet

THE first medicine to help overweight dogs in the UK lose weight has been launched in London.

Overeating and a lack of exercise have been blamed for dogs piling on the pounds, putting stress on their heart, lungs, liver and kidneys.

Belgium's Janssen Animal Health launched its prescription-only drug Yarvitan so owners can help their dogs lose weight without the need to put them on a diet.

Stories provided by the actions of stupid, silly people. Enumerated by