26" Wheel of Death

Let's talk about something that makes me absolutely nucking futs: people who ride their bicycles on the sidewalk. If you are one of these people, be forewarned. 

We supposedly have a deal with each other. You bicyclists, and we pedestrians. You, the bane of the road - and we, the crosswalk's burden. Today - you have violated the terms of the agreement.

This morning, while I walked from car to desk, one of you came about an inch shy of clipping my leg with a 26" wheel of death. This makes me angry. This makes me wish I could walk down the street with a bag full of screwdrivers, and stick them in folks' spokes as they whisk by. This makes me feel like I did the first time I heard Appetite - 'like breaking things'.  

Seriously - this is Cambridge. There are painted-on bike lanes on BOTH sides of the street. BOTH SIDES! There is no reason to ride your sloppy pink cruiser down the sidewalk, cutting a swath through proponents of good old fashioned bipedal transportation. If you're too much a wuss to ride your bike on the road, take the T. If you don't want to do that - why don't you just put on your helmet and walk in the bike lane. What's that? The bike lane isn't for walking? Go fucking figure.

Tomorrow, I'm packing a quiver of flatheads. Watch your spokes, suckas.