German Woman Has Balls, Gets Jailed

A GERMAN woman who branded the words "never lie again" on her husband's back has been jailed for three years. Heike Hoffmann, 28, also ordered husband Andreas, 41, to take a ten minute ice-cold shower if he looked at another woman.

(link)

Woman Humped To Death

An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present after the animal apparently tried to have sex, police said Sunday:

The 10-month-old male camel — weighing about 330 pounds — knocked the woman to the ground, lay on top of her, then exhibited what police suspect was mating behavior, said Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory.

"I'd say it's probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing," Gregory said, adding the camel almost suffocated the family's pet goat by straddling it on several occasions.

The woman was given the camel in March as a birthday present from her husband and daughter. "She had a love of exotic pets," Gregory said.

if you really need it, full story here

Back From The Front

It's been a long month. A long and virtually blog-less August. This is owed just about entirely to a whole load of traveling I've done over the past few weeks.

First up was the Wizard World Chicago Convention (by way of Cleveland), followed swiftly by The Glenlivet Gathering in Aviemore Scotland, and finally a jaunt to New Jersey & New York for the annual AYF Olympics. 

So what's come out of it all? Here are a few lessons learned on these exploits:

- Chicago traffic is horrible.

- Comic book conventions are almost cool, now.

- Scotland is more amazing each time you go.

- Glenlivet really is the finest scotch around (esp. the 18 yr. old)

- Inverness is the greatest city in the UK. You can argue, but I won't budge.

- Most of New Jersey smells like a mixture of trash & piss. This is not an exaggerated statement, and is based on empirical evidence rather than personal opinion. 

- It's good to be "home".

Now it's time to get back on the wagon, break down, bite the bullet, whatever - and find a job. Crappitty, crap, crap.

See you in the funny papers...

The Universe Is A Doughnut

A huge hole has been discovered in the universe. Measuring nearly one billion light years across, the hole contains no stars, dust, gas, or dark matter - making this the largest space-hole discovered to date. 

Yah, you read that right.

My theory: the big bang had to have an epicenter, right?

China Regulates Reincarnation, Chooses Fresh Lama

"In one of history's more absurd acts of totalitarianism, China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission. According to a statement issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which one is to reincarnate, is "an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation.

"But beyond the irony lies China's true motive: to cut off the influence of the Dalai Lama, Tibet's exiled spiritual and political leader, and to quell the region's Buddhist religious establishment more than 50 years after China invaded the small Himalayan country.

"By barring any Buddhist monk living outside China from seeking reincarnation, the law effectively gives Chinese authorities the power to choose the next Dalai Lama, whose soul, by tradition, is reborn as a new human to continue the work of relieving suffering."

See you in the funny papers...

Wednesday Music Special - 10 Song Playlist

"It's Hot In Hell" - Sargasso Trio
Totally needs to be in a John Cusack Movie.

"Ashes" - Five Finger Death Punch
This band reminds me of the evil snacks that skewer the traditional "let's all go to the lobby" crew during the opening credits of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie (which I haven't seen yet, because I would never watch a bootleg copy online...ever).

"Weather Storm" - Craig Armstrong
This one springs from my love the Buddha Bar cd collection.

"You Send Me Flying" - Amy Winehouse
My current favorite track, off of her better album.

"Breath From Another" - Esthero
The title track off her first album. Great night-time driving tune.

"Get Innocuous!" - LCD Soundsystem
I love this track. Download it now.

"Chaos" - MuteMath
My favorite track of my favorite album of the year. These guys are fantastic at using the guitars & keys as rhythm, and the drums as the melodic instrument. Damn fine job.

"The a la Menthe" - Nikkfurie de la Caution
Still like it, despite the fact that the dance/gymnastics/break-in scene from Ocean's 12 was too stupid for words. Except the ones I just used. And these, explaining them. And...well, you get the idea.

"Ghost of Corporate Future" - Regina Spektor
So cool. Anyone who rhymes lyrics with the word "ewww" is just so cool.

"El Leila Dy" - Amr Diab
Title track off his latest album. Whatever the hell he's saying sounds cool with that beat behind it. Half salsa/half mideast techno.

MIT Peeps Are Smart

MIT grad students are designing a system to convert the mechanical energy of people movingh around a building into electricity. Designed for a railways system, Tad Jusczyk and James Graham's "Crowd Farm" would consist of sub-floor that moves slightly as people walk across it. That motion would then be converted by a dynamo into current. From the MIT News Office:
The electric current generated by the Crowd Farm could then be used for educational purposes, such as lighting up a sign about energy. "We want people to understand the direct relationship between their movement and the energy produced," says Juscyzk.

The Crowd Farm is not intended for home use. According to Graham and Jusczy, a single human step can only power two 60W light bulbs for one flickering second. But get a crowd in motion, multiply that single step by 28,527 steps, for example, and the result is enough energy to power a moving train for one second.

And while the farm is an urban vision, the dynamo-floor principle can also be applied to capturing energy at places like rock concerts, too. "Greater movement of people could make the music louder," suggests Jurcyzk.

(via Boing Boing)

A Culture-full Evolution

In this year of living dangerously (translation: unemployed) I haven't done very much, or have I? While spending hours agonizing over things to do with dollars and sense, contemplating aforementioned addictions to education, and indulging in the beauty that is tv on dvd - my in between times have been spent here on the internet.

For this reason (the proliferation of some semblance of cultural literacy, in case you were wondering) I'd like to say thanks to the folks at Google for coming up with that nifty little feed sucker: Google Reader.

I now have a whole new way to surf the...ohh...130+ rss feeds currently on the subscription list.

But wait. Didn't Ed post some rambling some months ago with regard to the importance of thinking about things read? Yes. So don't mistake my big fat reading list for something I peruse with no intention of fully digesting. Nay. I don't think there's ever a day where I read every single feed - it's more a question of what I'm in the mood to absorb that day: news, notes about the economic state of the EU, questionable celebrity photos, or a friend's flickr stream.

So, um, I guess now I have even more, or less, to do with my continuing year of living dangerously...more or less. Unless any of y'all want to hire me, 'cause I'm available.

See you in the funny papers...

I'm Not Immune

It's a mixture of elation that regret that fills me this rainy New England afternoon. Because I did it.

It arrived on Saturday, around one o'clock in the afternoon. I sat down around two and began to read. Yesterday, after a marathon effort, my glasses were back on, the iPod was back off, and I was in the know about what happened at the end of it all. 

It's been a tumultuous number of years. He first crept his way onto my bookshelf back when I was working at the toy store. I walked by him countless times before I finally decided to pick up his story and begin something I wouldn't understand until quite a few years later, but I was totally hooked.

As time went on, I became more and more restless. I trolled the internet for "spoilers". I visited websites that had countdowns to movie premier dates running. I even looked for bootleg copies, before the pages were supposed to be on the shelves. That was reckless.

While restlessly turning the last pages over this past weekend, a calm came over me. This was it. No more of him. No more of his funny-named friends, or his often overly angsty situational dioramas. No more pages to turn.

So there's the mixture. Elation in the knowing. Regret in that there would be no new words to read - and that I read these last few so quickly. But elation wins out, because I adored every minute of it, and I wouldn't have done it any other way.

Iranians Arrest 14 Squirrels For Spying

While putting up the previous post I came across this morsel. Please lol in your respective cube shaped domicile:

"Islamic Republic's intelligence agents allege rodents were carrying advanced Western spy gear

Iranian intelligence operatives recently detained over a dozen squirrels found within the nation's borders, claiming the rodents were serving as spies for Western powers determined to undermine the Islamic Republic.

"In recent weeks, intelligence operatives have arrested 14 squirrels within Iran's borders," state-sponsored news agency IRNA reported. "The squirrels were carrying spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services."

Iranian police commander Esmaeil Ahmadi-Moqadam confirmed the report, saying that a number of squirrels had been caught bearing foreign spy gear within Iran's borders.

"I heard of this but I have no specific knowledge on the subject," he said. He refused to give further details.

Recently, Iran has increased its efforts in combating espionage by the West. The use of rodents has not been documented in the past."

articles here, here, and here (among countless other places)

See you in the funny papers...

Man Patents Thinking / Skin Tight Spacesuit

First up, on freshpatents.com, an application has popped up from a man trying to patent his "Thinking System":

"A thinking system and method is provided by the present invention. In the present invention, the “thinking” system is capable of accepting information from outside environment, analyzing the information, requesting additional information, and then resulting the problem. More particularly, the system can make new rules according to the information within the system and the new information received and requested. The rule making process is not controlled by outside command, but by an internal controlling mechanism that can be modified by the outside commands. Further, the system comprises a knowledge structure that can be used by the system for analyzing the inputted information, making request for additional information, making new rules, and solving problems, wherein the knowledge structure comprises element files include direct link information of the elements with other elements of the element files in the knowledge structure"


Next, those crazy MIT cats are working to revolutionize space-fashion with the design of a new skin tight spacesuit.

"...a sleek, advanced suit designed to allow superior mobility when humans eventually reach Mars or return to the moon. [The] spandex and nylon BioSuit is not your grandfather's spacesuit--think more Spiderman, less John Glenn"

Spidey in space. Full story here.

MIT Cures Fear

Well here it is. Now I can leave the lights off...

"MIT biochemists have identified a molecular mechanism behind fear, and successfully cured it in mice, according to an article in the journal Nature Neuroscience. They did this by inhibiting a kinase, an enzyme that change proteins, called Cdk5, which facilitates the extinction of fear learned in a particular context."

full text here

How You Know You're Hooked

One of my favorite columns in one of my very favorite periodicals is Stephen King's "Pop Of King" column, that appears every other week on the second to last page of Entertainment Weekly. Recently, Stephen commented on my personal drug of choice: "pop-dope" (as he puts it - it's what you gotta have). For example:

Lost
The Sopranos
"discographies"
Harry Potter (either medium)

...you get the idea?

So when you're hooked on the pop-dope, how you do know it? Does getting midnight tickets to the new Harry Potter movie at your local IMAX theatre make you an addict? Does waiting until the recording of the season finale of your favorite show has been significantly delayed so you can watch it on your DVR while it's still airing but still fast forward through the commercials, mean you're hooked? Maybe. I thought I'd try to characterize some ways in which you can determine how bad you gotta have it.

1. You think DVR is the single greatest thing since the internet.
2. You think Nicole Scherzinger is wasting her time and really needs to do a solo jazz album.
3. You honestly believe that Megan Fox is (currently) the most beautiful woman on earth.
4. 20 hours of 24 is something you might be interested in.
4a: You get both parts of #4.
5. To you, Google is a verb.
6. Every gadget that has a lowercase "i" in front of its name is on your "must have" list.
7. If you can't go to the midnight showing on opening night, you're going to wait for the DVD.
8. Your favorite websites include popoholic, lostpedia, google news, imdb and somewhere in the area of fifty-three other blogs that only YOU read. (but whose items you tell your friends about, without citing as sources - this makes you "hip")
9. You'd like to have a roundtable discussion with Chuck Klosterman, Rachael Ray, Damon Lindelof, and maybe David Chase. There will be alcohol involved. Think about it.
10. You quote movies, almost verbatim, after you've seen them only once. After the second time, you start telling people what the commentary tracks said about specific scenes.

So there they are. Certainly not the only ten ways to know you're hooked, but these are the ones that came to mind this morning.

If you can think of more, comment it up suckas.

See you in the funny pages...

PS: Read the column I'm talking about here

Angelina's For The A+

I'm just going to go ahead and cut/paste this one. So delicious...

"A Bulgarian professor has promised students A grades if they write about Angelina Jolie's boobs and buy a copy of his new book.

Professor Stefan Karastoyanov, of the Geology and Geography Department of Sofia University, made the promise as a protest after he was not paid for three months because of cash problems.

He said: "If they write about Angelina Jolie's boobs and buy my book they'll get an A."

So far 80 of the 120 students sitting his classes have ordered his book."

See you in the funny pages...

Blind(sided) by the light

Driving home last night I came upon a new Comcast billboard, viewable from the northbound side of I-95, just before exit 40. The billboard read:

"Don't be blinded by the light." Comcast

That all she wrote. No more detail offered. So how freaking cool is that?

In case you're wondering why I'm so jazzed about a billboard for broadband internet service, it's because of what that one little detail-less sentence says about us of the internet.

The line refers to Verizon's FIoS offering (which if you're still not following is internet access - among other services - delivered via fiber optic cable piped into your home). The cool thing about the Comcast billboard is that it assumes enough people know what fiber optic is, who's offering it, and what those offering it say that it does - to warrant placing the ad on a highway sign.

We of the internet should be damn proud of this accomplishment. The net, and the ways we access it, have hit (wait for it...) lexicographical paydirt. Translation - we get shit like the billboard.

Sure, there are plenty of people who likely drive by the sucker and go "Yah. Manfred Mann was the shit." And still others that go by smiling to themselves because they own "Greetings from Asbury Park N.J." (google it). But the joke is, like, totally on them.

See you in the funny pages...

Is That Something You Might Be Interested In?

Two recent news items - and if Paris Hilton's jail stint qualifies for that term, than so do my items - caught my attention recently.

1) Comcast is in some stage of negotiation to offer feature films to their customers as a pay-per-view service, on the same day & date that they debut in cinemas. For example, for somewhere between $25 and $50, you could sit in the comfort of your own home and watch Transformers at the same time that all the twelve year olds are being dropped off at the AMC Theatre by their parents.

2) The sale of dvd-based pornography is falling drastically, as sites with user generated content offer easy to access, free peep shows.

What do these two have to do with each other? Everything.

Video on demand, be it user generated or offered by some semi-to-fully legit outfit, is changing how we think about video itself. In the beginning, moving pictures were confined to dark rooms with reel to reel projectors. Next came television, the original video on demand. Then VHS. Then DVD. (I skipped over laserdiscs and betamax because they're best left forgotten)

Now, we of the internet culture are used to things like video podcasts, vlogs, youtube, and finally legit copyrighted content, available via IP, from services like iTunes. This is all fantastic. It's great. It's the natural evolution of our online community. But it still kinda sucks.

User generated content, your little brother's friend's vlog, even iTunes new "Apocalypto" download all do the same thing. They cheapen the spectacle of film. People are becoming too willing to trade quality for novelty. Sure, you can go buy a DVD, complete with DTS sound, and 1080p picture quality, then watch it from your big comfy couch, on your big sexy LCD television - or you can download the same movie on iTunes, with 3.1 or maybe 5.1 sound, decent resolution, and watch it on your iPod's three inch screen while riding the subway to work. The novelty of carrying the content in your pocket, has replaced the quality of watching a high resolution picture with fantastic sound.

So where do Comcast and Porn fit in? The dvd-based pornography industry may be selling fewer copies, but the percentage they're losing there is replaced by the same content providers offering free teaser sites that push traffic to pay sites with full length films, offered online. The translation: the porn industry, which like it or not sets just about every trend for home video (why do think laserdisc failed?), has realized that people will still pay for high quality. The people you thought stopped spending money on porn, just started paying for it somewhere else.

And Comcast? Their about the only entity that can capitalize on the video-on-demand trend, and do it right. Apple is making strides in the right direction, with AppleTV and iTunes movie downloads, but the fact remains that most of the people who would buy the movie from iTunes probably own a high def tv, and would rather use that than their iPod, or even their laptop screen. As far as new releases being available on demand through Comcast, it's these same folks, the ones who own the gorgeous home theater systems, that will utilize this service. Sure, movie theater chains will probably lose money - but they make very little on ticket sales anyway. The people who will gain are those folks interested in the spectacle. These are the folks that sneak their own candy into the cinema. They're also the people you've heard say things like "I'll just wait for the DVD." As for the movie theater chains, they'll be ok. The twelve year olds will still be at the theaters, spending money on popcorn and soda.

Now we've skipped over the big elephant in the room, and that is the illegal sharing of copyrighted material, and all I have to say on that is it's the mp3 argument all over again. 90% of the people engaging in piracy of music wouldn't spend the money on it if piracy was eradicated, so saying that 100% of music piracy is detracting from record companies' profits is ludicrous. Same thing goes for video. Piracy will never be eradicated, but neither will people willing to pay for quality content disappear.

See you in the funny pages...

A Morsel of Video Goodness

I would post every bit of video I could find on these droogs, but that might be a bit much?

In Which I Address the Senselessness of Getting Out of Bed

I'll be the first to admit that there are times at which I find myself perplexed by my reasons for removing myself from slumber on some specific mornings. Does rising from your rest count as rising from your rest if you are in fact rest-less? Do stream of unconsciousness blog entries characterized by run on sentences that sound like something that came out of the mouth of that Architect guy in the Matrix who looked like a cross between Sean Connery and Sigmund Freud make the reader go something something?

As my friend Boz once said - "It's all bullshit."

The point of this all?

The startling realization, after careful consideration and far too much deliberation, is that Boz was so fucking right it's not even funny.

Grey

I am excited. I am bored.
I know everything. I know nothing.
I like pie. Blueberries suck.
Paris in jail. Paris is out.
Oatmeal. Fruit Loops.
Aguardiente. Single Malt.
Elvis is dead, I saw him last night.
Global warming? ___________
Fingers. Toes.
Heart. Mind.
I am gone. I'm dead fucking on.

Sex, Drugs, and Education Addiciton

Hi my name's Ed, and I'm an addict. It's been two years since my last matriculation.

It feels good to finally get that off my chest.

Finally admitting that I can't stop thinking about going back to school doesn't seem like a big deal? Nay, I know not 'seems'. It's a fact. I want back into the classroom like a drunk can't wait to be at the bottom of their glass.

Get this. Responsibility, maturity, and their foul ilk have popped up too close to home and now it's time to beat them back again. It's for that reason that I've signed myself up for a self-imposed GMAT study schedule. Do I want an MBA? Dunno. Do I want to get my ass back into a lecture hall's big comfy chair? Hell, yah.

So let's get this straight. This blog entry is my solemn oath to be a student for life. "Adulthood" be damned.

See you in the funny pages...


PS - iTunes U makes me smile